I call 2015 'The Year of Firsts' for me. First time blueberry picking, first time apple picking, first time going to a dairy farm and traveling to some new, but surrounding cities. And many other firsts.
My life was turned upside down, some from choices I've made as well as from choices other's made that affected me. Even from all the devastation, the suffering and complete hopelessness I've felt, it's awakened me to search within myself and question all the things I thought I believed, causing me to contemplate my personal truths and the outer actions that are birthed from those beliefs. The last six months have turned on a desire and determination in me to seek out The Truth, from many sources and to measure them against love, so they'd mirror Love Himself.
I happened to come across a Super Soul Sunday with Oprah, who was interviewing Rob Bell. I jotted down some particular words Rob spoke, that resonated within me: "We’re all waking up. Quickened to Otherness. Explanation beyond revelation. Tasted something beyond words." For me, these words caused a domino effect in my heart, superseding my mind, and penetrating my soul.
I am different. I am not the same person I was 6 months ago. An injury does that to you. Annihilation that rocks you to the very core. I feel that I have died. The old me. Loss does that to you. Which leads me to Born again. Rebirth. Died and resurrected. With death though there's new life. That's what I'm holding onto. New hope.
I'm a quote junkie but here are a few of my favorites:
"But it was the signing that pulled me in and split me wide open." Anne Lamott
"The thing that you are seeking is also seeking you." Elizabeth Gilbert
"How to let go of shit? Remembering all the things I'm forgiven for-extending it to other's." Rayya Elias
"There's the old adage, 'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.' Not always the case. Sometimes it just really Fucks you up." Elizabeth Gilbert
"Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing we'll ever do." Brene' Brown
"Religion is people who don't want to go to hell. Spirituality is people who've been to hell already." Rob Bell
Finally a quote that sums up my greatest desire, "When I expose myself, I rip myself open and all that's left inside is love because all the crap is gone." Rayya Elias